In the Book of Proverbs, one part of the Bible used by many Christians to condemn Trans people, there is a part that says: “As a man believes so is he.” (23:7)
This goes to much of the difficulty of being a Trans person who is trying to make their way in the world. It is a challenge to live what we generally call Authentically in a world where everyone else often seems to want their version of who you are and what you are supposed to be to reign supreme over your life, your decsions, and your sense of Self.
As a result of this, sometimes there are things that Trans people believe that are dangerous and harmful to their being able to do more in their lives. Here are five of the most common things Trans people believe that make their lives more difficult, and limit their chances of success.
1. My self-worth is based on what others think of me.
Some people define themselves based upon how they guess their relatives, family, and friends, and even strangers see them. Often, Trans people are convinced that others think poorly of them, and so lack the self-confidence necessary to consistently take actions that involve risk — such as going to the store to buy a book or clothes or even groceries.
2. My past equals my future.
When trans people experience a series of setbacks, they often assume that their goals are not achievable. Over time, they become dispirited and discouraged, and avoid situations where failure is a risk. Because any significant effort entails risk, such people are then unable to make significant achievements because they never step out to take those risks.
3. My destiny is controlled by the supernatural.
Some people believe that their status in life–or even their potential as a human being–is determined by luck, fate, or divine intervention. This all-too-common (and ultimately silly) belief robs such people of initiative, making them passive as they wait for their “luck” to change. Luck never changes by itself, though. Mistakes are how we learn, and the most successful and well adjusted people on the planet are those who ignore luck, and just keep trying stuff until they get it right.
4. My emotions accurately reflect objective reality.
Many Trans believe that their emotions are caused by external events. You see this all the time when trans people say things like “so and so made me so angry when they called me Miss!”. This is dangerous, because emotions are determined by the perception of those events, the way that we, as indivdiuals read the stuff around us, combined with our own preconceptions about what those events mean. Trans folk that do this often find it difficult or impossible to “get out of their own heads” and see situations from another person’s viewpoint. This means that they react to difficult situations poorly and make bad decisions based on too little or wrong information, often making things worse than they really were in a kind of devastating self fulfilling prohpecy.
5. My goal is to be perfect or do something perfectly.
Because perfection is unattainable, the people who seek it are simply setting themselves up for disappointment. Perfectionists blame the world (and everything in it) rather than doing what’s necessary to accomplish extraordinary results. That’s why “successful perfectionist” is an oxymoron. TIH feels that if you are going to be perfect at anything, be perfect at being who you are, and recognize that in being who you are, you will have flaws and behaviors that aren’t always the ideal.
If you are having a hard time dealing with any of these beliefs, contact us at This Is HOW and we will help you to overcome these often disabling thoughts and mindset, and enable you to reach forward into your future on your terms, not someone else’s.
